Overview
I think the notion of surrendering to your female partner and letting her run the relationship is a beautiful notion. How about orgasm control? It is a special gift a man can give his woman. Women, generally speaking, are smart, empathetic, and less ego based in their decision making. It is one reason why they make great leaders. How does controlling his orgasm advance the relationship?
For a lot of men, the idea of orgasm control will appear to be a hostile concept. And I certainly get it. I was the one that suggested we try it in my relationship and it made me question my sanity. What I found was that I was not crazy and my wife was okay with the idea of being in charge of my orgasms.
I imagine it will be different for every couple to varying degrees. It definitely added a bit of spice to our FLR. I’m not advocating that this needs to be part of your FLR set-up. I would say this is more of an advanced concept of a female led relationship. Remember, some things are easy to give up and some things are harder. I put orgasm control in the harder part. Why, because it includes masturbation.
Orgasm control in a lot of ways, is simply the man giving up masturbating. That in and of itself can be a hard thing to let go. My wife was surprised to learn how much masturbation occurs in a typical male life using me as the example. A lot of communication will happen around this topic. Just the fact that you will talk about masturbation most likely will be a breakthrough for most couples. It is a rather personal topic.
Benefits Of Orgasm Control
Why go down this road, what are the benefits? Great questions, short answer- many benefits for both. We’ll start with the ladies. I think first and foremost, it is truly putting them in charge. Our sex life is a big part our life in general. We are sexual being, with hormones flowing through us at all times. The male orgasm in a lot of ways is a sign of triumph and victory. The woman know controls when the victory party will happen. It also allows more attention to the woman during intimacy. Her needs can be put in the fore front with her being in charge of his orgasm.
For Her
Think about it, most times, when a man finishes, the sex is over. By her decreeing when that will happen, it provides more time and focus on her needs. That should translate into a lot more orgasms for her. Another benefit for the woman is that she can say no, and not feel obligated to allow a release. This will take time for many woman to get to that point. Remember, our culture has trained us to feel a certain way around things. It may in time, transform the wifely duty into her wanting to provide pleasure for her partner with any obligation out of the equation. I imagine that can be a mental game changer for some women.
It also allows the woman the ability to tease and be playful. She now has a carrot dangling in front of her partner. Sexual gratification is a big motivator. She may find her man much more attentive to her needs. In a lot of ways, she can harness his sexual energy for her needs (with practice over time). It can also be loads of fun for her!
For Him
For the man, one of the biggest benefits is being aroused all the time. It can be fun to be aroused. You’re back on the pursuit of your lover. Some people speak of FLR bringing back the courtship to the relationship, this is a prime example. It can certainly work. Another benefit, is that is symbolizes her authority. Her control is real, you feel it. Also, a feeling of being cared for can develop for the man. He recognizes as someone who is taking care of him every time he has a release. It can also be energizing, if you are not masturbating all the time, you may feel like you have more energy.
One more thing for the man. A lot of men like being teased, it is arousing. Orgasm control brings in the ability for your partner to tease you quite effectively. Buyer beware, what you want may also be extremely frustrating. Teasing is fun, it can lead to blue balls and very frustrating moments, just understand that, it can fun all the while too.
Orgasm control can play into the dominant and submissive tendencies of each partner. For a submissive man, giving upon control can be the ultimate mind bender. And for the woman who enjoys a dominant position, controlling the orgasms is the ultimate sign of control over a man.
You will find more benefits than negatives for the relationship. Again, it’ll be different for everybody.
Entering The New World
When do you try orgasm control? Another great question. No time like the present, right! Hold on a second, it is not quite that easy. Like I said it can be a hostile concept for the man and even feel strange for the woman. If it is something you want to try, bring it upon to your partner, talk about it. Go over the desire to do it, the benefits for both and see what your partner thinks of it.
I want to dispel other information around orgasm control in the FLR stratosphere. Some writers come about this like the man needs to be controlled and has no self-control and all that rhetoric. Sorry, I disagree, it is just not true. Men and women are equally fantastic. They are just different. They are characterized by different hormones and needs. In a lot of ways, men are built for arousal and woman are built for pleasure. That is why orgasm control works. It works by tapping into the males arousal which can go on for days and days at a time and allows focus on the woman’s orgasm that can go on for quite a while, minutes into hours.
Orgasm control plays to both parties strengths. It is not about the man having no self-control, it is about the woman taking control and they both reap the benefits from that. The human male sexually peaks around the age of 18. Males learn to masturbate mostly out of necessity at young age. Like most things, it just becomes a habit. Can the habit be broken, absolutely, and it does not take that long to adjust to no longer masturbating. I want to make the point, that masturbation is not wrong, it is a choice. With orgasm control, the male is choosing to surrender his ability to masturbate and allow the female to dictate the terms of when he can orgasm.
It’s about fun, benefits, support, creativity, and sexual expansion. Orgasm control is an opportunity to deepen your female led relationship and become a better partner. That is it, if it works for you, awesome, enjoy. And if it does not, that’s great too. It is not one or the other. It is something that comes up in female led relationships. I see the benefits to it, it does not mean it will work for everyone.
Dealing With The Mental Challenges
In personal growth it is often said most things are simple but not easy. Orgasm control follows the same mantra. It is simple, she has control of when the male orgasms. The hard part is in execution. A certain amount of time is needed during this process to let it all sink in. In my experience, the first 90 days were the hardest for me. It is just a big change to what was once normal. For my wife, it was easy to start, saying no, challenged her at times. It took time overall to adjust to being okay saying no if she didn’t feel like letting me have an orgasm.
For any males that struggle with this at first, stay with it, it gets better and much easier. I recommend journaling about it. I think you’ll find your partner very supportive. For the ladies, I know you will figure it out too in time. It’s about stepping into your power more than anything.
The more you do it and stick with it, the more you will discover about yourself and your partner. Prediction– overtime, it will be the way it is and you will both be happier and it may lead to bigger and better things.
For more help on dealing with the mental aspects of female led relationships for men check out my book, The Wife Led Marriage.
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