The Trial And Error Universe
I think it goes without saying that we all want better sex. And I think we know instinctively we can have better sex in our relationship. So why do many marriage fail to have great sex? It is a failure to try new things. Situations change improve by being in motion. Couples in marriage tend to get into a routine and they run the patterns of those routines. Nothing changes if nothing changes. It is that simple. Can a female led relationship lead to better sex? It certainly can and for many reasons which we’ll cover here.
First, you need to understand that we live in a trial and error universe. This is nothing new and I think we all forget that. We live in such a technology based society with many conveniences, it is easy to just get into a groove. Sex is an expression of our love and it is healthy and natural to want to improve it with our partner. To improve something, you need to do something different, try something new, and yes, the outcomes may not be what you wanted. That is why it is trial and error. You try, learn from it, and keep going. Soon enough you are new and improved.
Female Led Relationships Are Hot
Straight up, a female led relationship is hot. It has been studied and confirmed that most men are turned on by the thought of dominant or confident woman. And for women, the idea of being in control is a little taboo and exciting. When you mix it together, it makes FLR a hot topic. Out of the gate, it creates a little spark of curiosity, arousal, and vulnerability.
Now this doesn’t translate into instant better sex, it does begin to prime the pump for good things to come. In my book, The Wife Led Marriage, I spent sometime talking about FLR and carefully divorcing it from Femdom. FLR is where the woman is in charge of the relationship, she is the leader. Femdom is where the woman is superior to the man. Femdom can also be a hot topic but it can be a bit much and quite a turn-off to both men and women. As I have said many times, for most, the woman does not want to become a dominatrix. I bring this up to remind you that FLR is still the wild west. It can go from mild to wild and all things in between.
Keep in mind while FLR can be a hot topic to speak off. It can also become a quick turn-off too. It can lead to better sex and it can also be misunderstood or misinterpreted as something beyond what it really is. My wife was talking with an associate who is divorced and now dating. Her associate’s new partner liked to cook for her, massage her, and take care of her and does not’t mind being instructed on things. She didn’t know what to make of it. My wife told her about FLR. This woman did her own research on the subject and was not interested after reading some things. My wife suspects from their conversation she found some Femdom type of sites. It is so important to frame things right and provide the right information.
Introducing A New Dynamic
The secret to better sex in FLR is quite simple. It sets a new dynamic for the couple. When FLR is properly introduced and implemented, a new dynamic in the relationship takes hold. The woman is now in charge and the man is supporting her. Communication is better, her needs are being addressed, and the couple has a mutually agreed direction. This new dynamic can do two things quickly, first, it helps relax the female and second, it arouses the male. These two in combination begin to make the relationship more interesting and exciting.
I cannot overstate the importance of reducing stress on the female. Females in general tend to take on the stress of the house hold and family. It is how they are wired by nature. Supporting the female in getting the home and family they way she wants it is important. It translates into a woman that is more secure, relaxed, and confident in her relationship. Most of this stuff is nonlinear to a certain degree. Will helping do the laundry leads to better sex? Yes, it actually does because helping the female in all things generally leads to better sex. Reducing her list of things to get done leads to her feeling better overall. And that can lead to an interest to have more sex for starters. And that is one of the keys, more sex, and interest in more sex, will lead to better sex.
The dynamic allows the female to be supported and that feeling of appreciation clears barriers to intimacy. And more intimacy leads to more sex, more sex creates the opportunity to try new things to have better sex.
Women Are Built For Orgasms
The female body is amazing, sexually speaking. Their bodies are designed for orgasms including multiple orgasms. In FLR, the woman’s needs come first. We’ve talked about supporting her needs from the stresses of life, it also includes supporting her needs in the bedroom. Focusing on her needs in the bedroom means focusing on her pleasure. This may be a new idea for many people. Traditional marital sex involves penis in the vagina (PIV) intercourse, and as you know, traditionally the male reaches climax before the female. In FLR sex, the woman reaches climax first and she decides if the man will climax or not. Yes, she decides.
This process of putting her needs first is where the fun begins. This where better sex comes into play. It is fascinating to see the many levels and phases of the female orgasm. You are stepping into a whole new world to explore. Females have both clitoral and G spot orgasms. Most women climax by clitoral stimulation. So in traditional PIV sex, the male is not even stimulating the main sexual pleasure center for the woman. during intercourse. FLR changes that tradition.
Men Are Built For Arousal
I can’t say the male body is quite like the female body sexually speaking. However, men’s arousal hormones are like rocket fuel. While women can have multiple orgasms, men can be aroused to insane levels. Let’s take it back a step. Society tends to look at male sex as this dominating thing. The male pursues, gets in, and gets out, often leaving the woman unsatisfied. In FLR, this new dynamic taps into this ocean of energy called male arousal. And let’s be clear, most men in their relationships want to satisfy their partner and take pride in it. It is a feeling like no other when you have completely satisfied your lover.
This arousal energy is useful. It fuels the male to serve his partner. It gives the female a direct visual indication of her authority at work. It also creates a closeness for the couple. When a male has an orgasm, many biochemicals are secreted including Prolactin which many studies believe causes the arousal period to end. Conversely, when a male is aroused, the biochemical of Oxytocin is released in the brain. This is a feel-good hormone which is also called the “cuddle hormone”. Simply stated, being aroused as a male feels good. With this cuddle hormone being produced, the male is more touching and caring with his partner. This leads to a greater feeling of contentedness for the couple.
His Arousal Leads To Her Orgasm(s)
Let’s complete the sentence- Men are built for arousal and women are built for orgasms. FLR stokes this dynamic. This is what makes FLR different, it is a complete focus on her needs while simultaneously keeping the male aroused. It is up to the couple on how they want to explore this dynamic in the bedroom. Once you understand this dynamic of the male/female nature then you can ride the horse in the direction it is going. When embraced, this leads to much better sex. And yes, the sex is different and it is better. Different in that her sexual needs are met first and that he may not climax. Better in the fact that she can have multiple orgasms and reach levels of bliss that typical PIV sex does not allow once the male ejaculates.
The female also produces Oxycotin from orgasms. Even though the sex style may change, she is still feeling that cuddle hormone after sex and sometimes a lot of it. This can lead to what I call the multiple orgasm cycle. It goes something like this- sex is initiated, the female has an orgasm, the male is still highly aroused, they cuddle. A little time passes, the male (most likely) initiates some touching again, this leads to another orgasm for her. He is still aroused, they cuddle. After time he initiates again, maybe this time it a different stimulation area for her like G spot in lieu of clitoris (or vice versa or both included). She orgasms again, they cuddle again, and it can keep going. Sometimes one of these cycles will get intense for her, she can hit new levels of orgasmic bliss. It can be different each time. Either way, it is great sex for her. And for the male, it is mind blowing how much pleasure he has created, and, overtime, the male may not want to orgasm because it ends the cycle. when he does. My wife and I have personally experienced this cycle lasting almost 3 hours one morning while we were on vacation. Our sex if no male orgasm is intended can easily take an hour for what is now our “normal sex” in FLR. It leaves her feeling satisfied and relaxed and it leaves me full of sexual energy to take on the day. It’s a win-win scenario.
Finding Your Own Way
I’d like to say that for the most part we found our own way into this. I have read many books on FLR and read countless blogs on the subject. It took time to understand what FLR meant to me and how to divorce all the other variations of Femdom and domination before I became comfortable enough to approach my wife with the idea. It was multilayered as well. For me it had a bit of excitement of doing something different or taboo. I do find the notion of having her in charge arousing (not that it always is) and I wanted to find a way to support her while creating a safe and amazing sex life.
I can say without question, a female led relationship has resulted in better sex for us. I feel like I finally understand how to satisfy my partner with predictability. It is a wonderful way to show how much you love them. It has been a bit of trial and error and that is to be expected.
Finding your own way is best, take it on your timeline, push yourself as a couple to try new things like FLR and keep it within reason. Once you move to a new point you’ll see how to move it along to another point. That is how it works for all of us. Remember- different isn’t always better but better is always different.